i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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