love makes seman taste better
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
