there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
