I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
