Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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