thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
