dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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