You just made me feel so damn special
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
