he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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