That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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