I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
