a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
