how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize