I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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