At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
A bitchslap is in order.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
