when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
