im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I will be naked everywhere
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Randomize
