I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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