There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
