So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
