how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize