It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
