She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
