literally had 100 drinks last night.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
