So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am available for nakedness
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
