I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
