Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
