when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You had me at "let me see your balls"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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