What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
