totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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