i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
