I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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