My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
