I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
