that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
