Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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