32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize