I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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