why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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