I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
40s are totally the cure
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
