is your mom at the bar?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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