new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
