marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
