you guys were way drunker than both of me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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