Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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