Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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