gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
