dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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