I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
