so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
