If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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