i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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