Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
