her vagina looked like bernie madoff
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize