Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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