Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think i got beer on your cat.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
