No, drunk sperm still make babies.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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