oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize