Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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