oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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