member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
