GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
