last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize