dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
