I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
