I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
