I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
