he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I could fuck to npr.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
