i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
