i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
