i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
