I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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