Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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