whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
