note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
