I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
