Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
