We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
