So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
