Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
